New Meanings for Old Word

Via: Washington Post
Once again, The Washington Post has published the top submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:1. Coffee (n.) - the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.) - appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.) - to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.4. Esplanade (v.) - to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.) - impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) - a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer thedoor in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.) - to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.) - olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) - emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.) - a rapidly receding hairline.
12. Rectitude (n.) - the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n) - a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.) - a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) - the belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Some of these are a little weird... but I just posted them all anyway.